I am a self-professing dork (insert photo of girl wearing bathrobe, huge glasses and watching TED on a Friday night). And I am okay with that. But, recently my dorkiness has reached new heights…ahem, dare I say, maybe even nerdish levels. I am twenty-three years old and I just got my first retainer. As a kid/teen I never had to deal with braces, spacers, rubber bands, head-gear or retainers. Nope, I saved all that funness for my early twenties. Thanks to some rearranging my wisdom teeth did when they moved in, I now have a mouth full of metal for about 6 months.
- They easily make you look 5 years younger.
- It has the same effect as an engagement ring when being approached/hit on by someone you’d never even consider. Just flash a big smile of metal, and they do a full 180. My retainer takes me back even more than 5 years, I think it screams FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD!
- It’s such a hassle to eat; you have to take out the retainer, then when you’re finished, brush your teeth, then with another tooth brush, brush your retainer…EVERY TIME YOU EAT! It’s exhausting, so therefore no more snacking! After dinner at night; retainer goes in, waistline goes down.
- Brushing more frequently means whiter teeth!
- It’s helped me to perfect my “Blue Steel” model look when having my picture taken.
- Ohh yeah, I guess straightening your teeth is the ultimate Pro.
- When you talk it makes you sound like a 4 year old. With a lisp. After having my retainer for about a month, my Mom and I were in the kitchen cooking one day, when she said ” you know you’re getting better at talking with your retainer in”, I said ” Mom, I don’t have my retainer in”….”ohh…”
- You have to avoid
sayingany words with “S’s”. (” Therioussly, itssh thoo thooper hard”).
- You can’t eat in your car or on the go anymore (hmm, maybe that’s a pro too)
- Or pop some M&M’s any time you want.
- You can’t drink coffee with it in!
- Or chew gum ( I think my life revolves around food).
Oooh, six and six, I guess the photo will be the tie-breaker…
Yep. You might be a dork if you’re twenty-three and your most expensive accessory is a retainer.